As the track slowly clicked me into the MRI, I worried that he was right. The thought of a jackhammer conjured up violent images in my mind, the thudding whir that my husband described suddenly replaced by imagining a jackhammer behind that flimsy-looking plastic casing above my head. As the beeping began, I wondered just what I'd gotten myself into.
I am okay. I am okay. This isn't so bad. Wait, i'm moving no i'm not but my foot itches. *BEEP BEEP BEEP Is that it? That can't be it. That's nothing. oh crap. that means the real sound is REALLY bad. What if it's scary? What if I freak out? Wait i'm freaking out now. no i'm not. yes you are. oh my gosh! i'm dizzy. i'm going to faint. calm down. read the label above your head. germany. it's german. i'm german. this is a good sign. look above you. what's that? three red lines on the plastic casing. what's that from? THUD-- THUD--THUD-- THUDTHUDTHUD** oh that's it? okay. this is kinda scary. now i know what those lines are. nail polish. someone literally clawed their way out of this thing. why did they claw their way out? what do they know that i don't? oh dear god. it's going to get worse. it's going to get louder! (then it really started, a thudding whir, just like my husband described. and the weirdest thing happened. my finger started pulsing to the beat of the whir) okay this isn't too bad. i'm not scared. but this means the magnet is on. am i dead? did my fillings go through my brain? read the little label again. says germany. i can read it. i can read it so i'm obviously alive. i couldn't read it if i were dead. or could i?! oh no. this is ridiculous. am i alive? yes i'm breathing. and there, i can hear the piano music i requested. piano musicTHUDpiano musicTHUDTHUDpianopianoTHUDTHUD. hehehe i made up an MRI joke, listening to the piano in the MRI is like a beethoven symphony!!! wait not because he's deaf, that would be insensitive. because it's thudding, like that song. you know? nevermind. now my back hurts. and my finger is twitching. am i magnetic? that's it. i'm magnetic. well wait if i were magnetic i would be flying towards the top of the machine. my heart's racing. IS MY HEART MAGNETIC? what does that mean? ouch my toosh hurts. it really hurts. can i move? can i move? can i move? ceiling tiles. germany. finger twitches. can i move? i wonder if britney spears has had an mri. and if she has, did she request her own music?
So that was my inner monologue from my MRI today. I had to make sure I didn't have a bicornate shaped organ... fun stuff! Hopefully, I do not. But who knows...
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