OHSS Dos and Don'ts

Now that I've had a few weeks to slightly recover from my OHSS I want to put together a post to help all the other ladies out there who find themselves struck with this horrible syndrome! :(  I spent a lot of time laying around feeling miserable, googling OHSS, and finding very little practical advice out there. I definitely know that having OHSS, and being pregnant with twins, is no joke!



 Here is just a simple list of what I learned about OHSS recovery, things I heard from nurses, my doctor, read on forums, or learned mostly through my own experiences of guess & check: 


OHSS Dos and Don'ts 
-DO ask your clinic if they have any info or recommendations on what you eat
-DO increase your intake of sodium. Contrary to what some say about OHSS, it is not bloating from water. Increasing your sodium isn't bad. In fact, your sodium levels with OHSS are low. Increasing your sodium helps your body to metabolize the fluids you're leaking
 -DO drink gatorade, coconut water, smartwater and any other drinks with electrolytes
-DON'T drink plain water. At all. Also, DON'T drink water with lemon, which some people on forums are suggesting. This isn't a liver condition! It's a crazy blood vessel condition! Lemon and acidic levels HURTTTTT
-DO weigh yourself. Severe weight gain is a sign that you might need to have the fluid aspirated
-DO measure your stomach, morning and night - not only is it good to know if you're adding more bloat, but it will be SHOCKING to see how big you actually get
-DO increase your protein intake in whatever way your stomach allows. A nurse suggested Ensure shakes towards the end and I drank 3 a day. I managed to avoid another draining so perhaps that helped to do the trick!
-DO stay home and keep your feet up. It will get worse before it gets better! Even towards the end, after 4 weeks of it, I still wasn't able to walk long distances and had to use a scooter at Walmart!
-DO manage your pain. Night was the worst for me (kidneys are exhausted after a day of fighting gravity). Take tylenol or whatever else your doctor suggests to get through the pain!
-DON'T try to sleep in bed if it's uncomfortable. I lived in my recliner for 6 weeks after my initial diagnosis. Even after I was "recovered" my back and abdominal muscles were too weak to really support myself lying flat in bed. This also made it easier to get through the days.
-DO keep your feet up, because your chance of blood clots is higher with OHSS (my platelets were so high that I had to take Lovenox for a week)
-DO ask your doctor about alternate ways to take your hormone supplements. I was to take my estradiol orally but since I could hardly eat, on the days I had an empty stomach I would get really ill. Ask if it can be put in vaginally
-DO keep moving as much as you can. Walk around the house a couple times... keep your blood flowing and your muscles warm!

-DO keep a journal. One day, this misery will all be a memory :) I promise!


... I will add more as I think of them

And then there was one...

Today we found out that we'd lost one of our twinnies :( It was Baby B, who'd had a low heartbeat from the start. We knew that his/her sac was small and I knew what that could mean, but I'd been drinking a lot of gatorade and water in the last week or so and really, really hoped I'd be able to pull off a little miracle, but there was no heart movement today. The baby just stopped growing a couple days ago, and you could still see the outline of the little motionless baby-- they're getting big! But from now on we will only watch one little bean continue to grow. Goodbye my precious baby B. Thank you for keeping Baby A company until he/she was strong enough to keep growing on his/her own. Vanishing Twin Syndrome may be a condition, but it totally sucks. I will always miss my baby B.

OHSS... all because of the TWINNIES!!!

Went to Shady Grove Annapolis this morning for a followup, to check my bloodwork and do an ultrasound to see how my fluid is receding. While they do the ultrasound we get a surprise and see TWO SACS!!! Twin babies!!!

I am feeling much better today and am obviously over the moon! :)

OHSS... a slow recovery

Thursday 10/20- feel a tad better, still bloated, but can eat. It's still hard to walk very far b/c of the fluid in my back. I am hunched over like Quasimoto.

Friday 10/21-- Matt takes me to school to get organized. It is exhausting. I can hardly walk at all and it hurts just so bad... my stomach, my back, ugh!

Weekend... feel much better. Continuing to sleep in recliner. Eating smaller meals, high protein high sodium. Love my gatorade! After Wednesday I started drinking two-three Ensure shakes a day and I really think that made the difference in my recovery.

Drain 4 - last drain of OHSS

Tuesday - I am nauseous all morning but not as bad. I decide to eat what I want and what I can. If I get sick, I'll get sick, but I need some nourishment. I eat shredded wheat, cheese & crackers and watermelon. Not a bad day.

I am filling back up again though and know I'll probably need to go to Rockville in the AM. We make a plan with Mom for her to meet us in Annapolis & take me to Rockville, so Matt can get a break from the long driving.

Throughout the night I wonder if  should have waited an extra day-- I don't feel "as bad" as I did before.


Wednesday - wake up nauseous and realize that it's going without food that makes me the most sick! Mom takes me to Rockville and on the 2nd floor I get checked out (bloodwork & ultrasound). The doctor tells me that if it gets bad again after this they'll have to admit me to a hospital with a "tap" to drain the fluid into a bag... eek!!!

They have an early opening again, like 2:00, and drain 2.5 liters.

Drain 3 - worst day of the OHSS

Today was the worst day by far.

I wake up nauseous as can be. I throw up in the car on my way to Annapolis. In Annapolis, they send us straight to Rockville. (I can hardly walk at this point.. Matt dropped me off at the door).

In the waiting room at Rockville, I cry. I am in so much pain and am so nauseous that I am just miserable. The nurse from the 2nd floor was so worried about me she walked us upstairs herself!   Luckily they had an early opening-- they take me back at 12:30!! They drained 2.8 liters from me in my 3rd draining.

But I continue to feel nauseous throughout the day. The ride home is just as miserable. I feel so weak and can hardly eat. I try to sleep in bed, but wake up at 1:30 in extreme pain :( :(


My nurse calls to tell me that our 4th beta was 676!!! 

Sunday No-funday

Last night I slept okay without throwing up! A new record :)  (for the record I did have ridiculous diarrhea...)

I feel okay through the morning but my skin is stretched TIGHT. It hurts, like at a skin level... Daddy came to visit us before Uncle Ken's party and while it was nice to see him, I was really sick & in a lot of pain. I basically watch myself bloat back up; it is so not fun.

I finally decide to really avoid carbs 100%. I eat some pickles but want to throw it all up. Pickles are nasty. My stomach gets SO bloated and round that my belly button turns into a little slit-- like a straight line, not a circle :)

I can't sleep well throughout the night and am very nauseous. I have to stop eating at like 2:00 because I know we're headed to Rockville in the AM.

Drain 2 - OHSS

So on Friday I felt a little better waking up... less bloated, so less pain and less nausea. Matt & I went to the store in the AM. After a couple aisles I go wait for him in the car. Then at home I do some laundry to get caught up.

But it all catches up with ME. I should have just rested! I start to feel sick over lunch time... and by mid afternoon am ill again. Worse, a lot of fluid is gathering in my back so it's not even comfortable to lay down or sit. I have to be in the recliner with a pillow behind me...

Friday night is awful. I sleep in the recliner but am restless; then I wake up in so much pain that I'm throwing up for hours... :( :(

Early this morning we head to Rockville again. We are in no major rush b/c we know we'll have to wait 'til others are finished. I take a pillow with me for the chair & bed.  First we go to the 2nd floor to get bloodwork (they check CBC to make sure my organs are okay) and an ultrasound to check fluid levels. This time the fluid has gathered on my sides. They send us to the 4th floor. When I get there they immediately come back and give me my IV & Zofran for my nausea... just walking to the bathroom makes me seasick.

Luckily we only have to wait until 2:00 for my surgery. They take me back and drain 3.1 liters. Luckily, it's less!  Our beta today was 333! It more than doubled!!! 

Silver Lining

I forgot to post that the silver lining in this was that my 2nd beta came back 162.5... more than double :)

Drain 1

I was discharged from the hospital at about 9:00. It is so hard to walk, it hurts in my back and holding my super bloated stomach up. We head straight to Rockville for fluid aspiration... we got there at 11:30. That ride was the WORST ride ever, I was so nauseous and so motion sick (and this is after they gave me Zofran for the ride!).

We had to wait basically the whole day to get taken back to the OR-- until all scheduled surgeries are cleared. It is 5:00 before I get taken back. They take me to the OR and since I am pregnant it's a little different... not as many drugs, like the first drug they give you that gives you "amnesia". I am awake more during the prep process of getting me hooked up to the various electrodes and monitors, blood pressure machine, etc. But then he put the mask on me and I was good to go... wake up in recovery.

They drained 3.8 liters from me!!! OHSS is no joke!

Last night was pretty awful. I only slept for two hours and then woke up sick as a dog. I wasn't peeing that much and I bloated out really badly-- worse than it's been before :(

I couldn't eat breakfast when I woke up. I am so nauseous and it also hurts to put anything into my stomach :(  I've been nauseous all day

2:00 pm - start having trouble breathing, feels like someone is sitting on my chest. Call my nurse & she says to go to the hospital. We decide to go to Anne Arundel Medical Center, where they might have a clue what they're dealing with.

3:45 - ER has a short wait before taking me back to triage. It is so uncomfortable to be reclined on those little stretcher beds! The ER physicians assistant has NO clue what I've got-- talks about doing x-rays and pelvic exams. Luckily Dr. K called ahead to explain my condition but this guy wants to talk with Dr. K and can't get a hold of him, so we wait around. Finally they decide to take back to the "real" ER area. I throw up immediately after having my blood drawn.

Evening -- more comfortable in bigger ER bed. Matt goes to get Wendy's for dinner (apparently with OHSS high protein high sodium foods are good). While he does that, I am taken to radiology to have an ultrasound done. The ride there is awful, like a thrill ride, I feel so sick. The ultrasound tech has no idea what I have and it HURTS so badly. When I get back Matt is there: I have one bite of fries and the burger before I want to throw up. I am so nauseous and can't eat a thing :(

The OB doc on call comes down to check on me and luckily he knows what he's talking about! Dr. Nance, I think. He gets me an IV (5 hours after getting there!), Zofran for nausea, Morphine for pain, and a foley catheter for... ugh you know.

I was admitted for the night and once they moved me to a real room, the "real" hospital bed was a dream compared to the others! So soft! And I could recline myself with the little buttons! I still couldn't really eat. I managed 4 crackers at midnight and some around 6 in the morning. I got to sleep about 6 hours throughout the night which was more than the previous two nights combined!!!

This morning I went into Shady Grove after having severe abdominal pain yesterday and bloating. I felt AWFUL. During 5th period I couldn't talk or walk, the pain was so bad. I couldn't lift my laptop because my abs were in so much pain!

They did an ultrasound and confirmed that I have OHSS. It is a horrible condition but it has wonderful connotations: it worsens with pregnancy!

12:00: Dr. Kipersztok calls to confirm that WE ARE PREGNANT! Our first beta, at 7dp5dt, was 62!!!!


Thank you Lord. Please keep this pregnancy (and me) safe.

Update from the lab!

Dr. K called me this morning to let me know that it definitely was not an embryo that they found in the catheter, so both embryos are 100% in my belly! :)

Also, he let me know that I have two embryos that are going to be frozen today!

Embryo Transfer - IVF #2

Today was a stressful drive to Shady Grove. The beltway was in knots, for no real apparent reason other than the fact that it was the beltway and the beltway is ridiculous. We were going no more than 20 mph the entire way from 50 to 270 :( I tried not to stress it too much... but of course did! :)

We had a 9:45 show up time for our 10:15 transfer, but got there right at 10:05. We went right back & our nurse, Nicole, was super nice! As soon as we got back there we were shocked to be greeted by Dr. K!  I was so glad we were there on his day at Rockville (I wasn't sure who we would have).

Before we go into the rooms, they make the husbands cover up their shoes with little booties (I had to take mine off, obviously). The transfer rooms have really nice relaxing ambient lighting. Laidback 101! We went in, got situated, then the doctor came in and talked about the embryos. We decided on transferring two. One is an AB blast, the other is a little behind, but still good. We might still have 3 or 4 left to freeze :)

The transfer process involves a few things: a full bladder (so they can see the uterus), the ultrasound wand pushed heavily against your abdomen, and a catheter through which the embryos are transferred. After we decided on 2 the embryologist came in to verify my info, and my selection to transfer two, then went to get our babies :) Dr. K printed off a picture from the ultrasound of the catheter so we can have "early" baby pictures!!! The transfer itself is a piece of cake, I really hardly felt anything but could see it on the ultrasound-- so awesome to see. Matt was standing next to me watching. Just as Dr. K put the catheter in Matt kissed my head!

Okay so after the transfer they take the catheter back and make sure no embryos got stuck in there. And that's where it got wonky. They found something, and we could hear them talking. Then Dr. K peeks into the lab to see what's up, and then ends up going into the lab to see what's going on. So it turns out there was something in the catheter, they didn't "think" it was the embryo, but it looked like it. Just in case it was the embryo, they wanted to put it in a petri dish to let it grow to see what it was. But if it doesn't develop, then we will know it wasn't an embryo. If it does, they'll just freeze it with the others. I was really taken aback and didn't know what to do but I will not stress it, just hope for the best!

We stopped at Burger King on the way home. When I got home I climbed in bed and started reading "The White Queen" by Phillippa Gregory. Now I'm sitting on the recliner blogging!


Dirty Dancing is on. Hopefully these estrogen sob-fest movies will make these little babies stick!!! :)

Fertilization Reports for Cycle #2

Day 1 Fertilization Report - 9 eggs were mature & 7 fertilized normally
Day 2 Report: 6 embryos still doing well (1 6-cell, 1 4-cell, 4 2-cells). Scheduled for a day 3 transfer
Day 3 Report: 7 embryos! (3 8-cells, 1 7-cell, 1 5-cell, 2 4-cells). Transfer pushed back to a day 5!!!

Egg retrieval for cycle #2

Today was my egg retrieval at Shady Grove for my second IVF. I was so eager to get in and get it over with :)  i woke up at 2:15 and was able to sneak in a granola bar before the cut off for eating (3:00am). i was feeling a little full but really not as full as last time  or nearly as uncomfortable. not a lot of twinges or pain or anything :)

i drove us to rockville because i hate traffic and like being "in charge" when we have to get somewhere by a certain time. we had an 8:30 arrival time, so left at 6:00 just in case we had another bay bridge snafu. luckily we had no major issues at all. the beltway was slow, though, so we got there at 8:10!!!

they took us right back when we got there and it was the same routine: change into gown and hair net, sign consents, meet the anesthesiologist, go over his consents. then my doctor for the retrieval came back-- a new doctor-- Dr. Esposito from Frederick. she was really nice! then Steve the anesthesiologist came back to get me set up. he is a psu fan (i learned about that from the SG facebook page) so we were talking psu football during the whole IV set up. I really don't mind the needles all that much at all and i actually like having fluids put in me, for some reason it's oddly relieving :)

matt goes and does his thing, i continue to wait & read a magazine, then it's go time! steve walks me back to the OR and i meet my nurses, get set up on the table, thank them for taking care of me and then steve says "we are" i say "penn state", he puts the nose mask on me and i am OUT. then i wake up in recovery, the nurse tells me i had 11 eggs, and next thing i know mattie is in the room with me! i was really woozy this time afterwards; i just wanted to sleep! my nurse told me that when i woke up i was telling steve what an awesome job he did, but i don't remember any of that!

we were home by 1:15 and i was in bed by 1:19. had a nice nap in the afternoon and now i am typing my blog for the day! luckily i have had very little pain all afternoon! hoping for a great fertilization report in the morning!!!

Trigger happy

Today I went in for monitoring: I trigger tonight at 10:00! So excited!!!

GBMC office & Day 8 monitoring!

this morning mom and i drove down to GBMC in Towson. I was super excited to be able to have mom with me for my appointment! Sometimes i see women go in with their mothers for appointments and I am always jealous :) I want my mommy, too!

we were at my mom's house for my high school reunion this weekend, so we knew we'd have to make a plan for the monitoring appointments. at first i planned on going to rockville but mom thought that GBMC would be much closer, which it was. and what a beautiful campus GBMC is! it is absolutely beautiful! you turn off of Charles St into the entrance and you are in a wooded wonderland-- beautiful trees, landscaped walkways, so peaceful. i really loved it there. i would have liked to have explored it more!
for my monitoring a doctor came in with me, Dr. Katz, and was telling me a little more about the follicles, etc. he didn't think i'd need monitoring the next day and said everything was progressing nicely. i had 15 follicles on the right and 4 or 5 on the left. the left ovary is definitely really lazy!!!

on our way home from the appointment mommy and i stopped at target and got some clothes :) nothing like retail therapy!

the nurse called int he afternoon with my instructions. start ganirellix, increase menopur to 225 iu. My estrogen was 635 which is kind of high but I think it's okay because of my number of follicles :)

yayyyyy!


**i just read something that said e2 levels average about 200 per mature egg at retrieval.

IVF #2: First follicle count

Today was my first monitoring appointment on the stims. I had 11 follicles-- 7 on the right and 4 on the left. My estrogen level was 118.

My nurse Sarah called me and increased my Bravelle to 150 iu. So I am on two vials of Bravelle and two vials of Menopur. Easy enough :)

Just did my injection and I swore there was a little air bubble in there and it was driving me crazyyyyy!

Our Story So Far

I have been typing up my list of dates so that I can eventually make myself a treatment bracelet based upon all that went into this first baby. So, here are the dates:

Okay in order to preserve this for our posterity, and for future understanding of this road, in case we need to travel down this road again-- I fully believe I WILL get pregnant with a child and hope we'll go for a 2nd, and anticipate that in order to do so, we'll have to explore this option again-- here is a summary of our time at Shady Grove:
6/22 - Consult #1 with Dr. K
7/7 - 1st bloodwork & ultrasound
7/12 - Matt's semen analysis
7/14 - HSG in Rockville
7/23 - Followup with Dr. K. Decide to try IUI
8/2 - Bloodwork & ultrasound
8/10 - Bloodwork & ultrasound
*started Clomid, 50 mg/day days 3-7
8/19 - Bloodwork & Ultrasound (1 egg right, 2-3 left-- need to grow!)
8/21 - Bloodwork & Ultrasound (2 Left 19mm & 21 mm, 1 Right, small) Trigger?
-9:30 pm trigger Ovidrel (shot)
8/23 - IUI #1 @ 12:40 with Dr. Mottla
9/7 - Blood test (pregnancy) negative :(
9/13 - Day 3 bloodwork & ultrasound *start Clomid 50 mg/day
9/22 - Day 12 bloodwork & ultrasound (1 follicle on right at 19mm, 2 on L @ 13mm)
9/23 - Bloodwork/ultrasound (still only 1 follicle, others didn't grow!)
9/24 - Trigger shot ovidrel
9/26 - IUI#2 (1.5m pw)
10/14 - Dr. K suggests we move onto IVF
10/20ish - IVF consult, postpone IVF until after Africa trip
12/16/2010 - Start new cycle for IVf, decide to postpone after travel snafus
1/25/2011 - start new cycle, but have to postpone due to MSA
3/6 - start new cycle!
3/22 - Mock transfer
3/29 - Bloodwork & ultrasound
3/31 - MRI in Easton
4/2 - Dr. K calls to cancel cycle, tells me about the uterine septum & need for surgery :(
4/21 - Hysteroscopy in Rockville. Have to rest a natural cycle before starting again

6/16 - HSG to make sure everything is good & healed. it is! :)

6/25 - Pre IVF bloodwork & ultrasound -- good to start shots on Tuesday!

6/28- start stimming: 75u of Bravelle 75u of Menopur!

6/29: 2nd round of injections, same amounts!

6/30: 3rd day of injections, same amounts-- 8:30 each night :)

7/1: bloodwork and ultrasound-- 7 follicles, bloodwork all good. 4th day of injections, increased dosage to 1.5 vials of Menopur, same level of Bravelle.

7/2-5th day of injections

7/3: bloodwork & ultrasound-- 12 follicles, 6th day of injections, increased meds & started Ganirelix

7/4 - 7th day of injections

7/5 - bloodwork & ultrasound, injections

7/6 - bloodwork & ultrasound, injections

7/6 - Urgent Care for Cellulitis :(

7/7 - bloodwork & ultrasound - 9 follicles above 18mm! Ready to go!

- Trigger Shot 11:30 pm (HcG 10,000 units of pregnyl)

7/9 - Egg retrieval: 11 retrieved

7/10: 1st Fertilization Report: 9 mature, 8 fertilized!

7/15: Day 6 transfer-- transfer on perfect 5AA embryo!!! Hopeful

7/21: Positive hpt! (positive 7/21, 7/22, 7/23, 7/24, 7/25)

7/27: Beta: negative :(

8/? - Post IVF consult with Dr. K

9/14 - Pre-IVF Evaluation: bloodwork & u/s okay! (small cyst right ovary)

9/17 - Day 1 Stims: Start stimming! 75iu of Bravelle & 150iu of Menopur

9/20 - Day 4 Stims: Bloodwork/Ultrasound - 7 Right, 4 Left, E2 117 - raise Bravelle to 150 iu
9/22 - Day 6 Stims: Bloodwork/Ultrasound - 11 Right, 3 Left, E2? -raise Bravelle to 225 iu
9/24 - Day 8 Stims: Bloodwork/Ultrasound - 15 Right, 4 Left, E2 635, raise Menopur to 225iu
9/26 - Day 10 Stims: Bloodwork/Ultrasound - same follies, E2 1325, same meds
9/27 - Day 11 Stims: Bloodwork/Ultrasound - same follies, TRIGGER!          
        - Trigger: Novarel @ 10:00 pm (great job, Mattie!)
9/29 - Egg Retrieval: 11 eggs
9/30 - Day 1 Fertilization Report: 9 mature, 7 fertilized
10/ 1 - Back to Rockville for fluid aspiration (from lining)
         - Day 2 fert: 6 embryos (1 6 cell, 1 4 cell, 4 2-cells-- but 2 are multinucleated)

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand,strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO - what a ride!

i have decided that for this blog i will not worry about capitalization and punctuation. i have been wondering why i don't like to write as much in here, the thoughts come so easily but getting it out feels so disjointed. so i will stop worrying about caps on here and type as i think. if you don't like it, don't read it :)

tonight i will start the shots for this cycle. i am going to do bravelle and menopur-- 75iu of bravelle and 150iu of menopur. the menopur should stimulate more eggs this cycle. last time i had up to 8 follicles that were visible and had 9 mature eggs retrieved. anything over that will be icing on the cake this round! i am just hoping the cycle works out-- the cyst they found isn't a problem-- my eggs grow nicely and not too much or too little-- and that the ICSI works as well as it did last time.

i am also going to do measurements of my chest and tummy b/c last time i really got bloated. i want to track it for my own peace of mind (and so i don't convince myself it's all in my head!).

http://eggsandsperm.com/

pregnant women are smug

i get really tired of people who, when things go their way, say "God has answered our prayers". That is so smug. What they're basically saying to anyone else who sees it is, "God picked me".

good quote

Maybe it's not even advisable to be an optimist anymore. Maybe pessimism is something we have to apply daily, like moisturizer, otherwise how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system...? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? Whats the harm in believing?

One Embryo or Two?

So should I do one embryo transfer or two?

This link states that live births are comparable in eSets (elective single embryo transfers) and dsets (double embryo transfers). However, they state that ESET in women "35 years who are in their first IVF cycle and have at least three top-quality embryos is as effective as double embryo transfer (DET) and significantly decreases multiple birth rates, suggest study results".

Another site states that: "In the poor responders, the live birth rate per oocyte pick-up and per embryo transfer was 10.9 and 16.3%, respectively, compared with 23.9 and 27.7%, respectively, in the normal responders (p=0.0001 and p=0.01, respectively). In the poor responders, the live birth rate per single embryo transfer was 10.8%, compared with 27.8% per double embryo transfer (DET; p=0.0014) and in normal responders 28.1 vs. 26.6%, respectively (p=0.34)."

A further meta-analysis that combine the research out of Sweden and the Cochrane study states "Although lower pregnancy rates were noted with eSET during fresh IVF cycle when compared to DET, the study findings concluded that an additional frozen embryo transfer cycle will help negate this difference." So what the researchers are assuming is that IVF participants are willing to undergo a further frozen embryo transfer when the first cycle is a failure! They are saying that it is worth it to let patients down in the name of "reduce multiples" in the hopes that their frozen embryo transfer will WORK.

What a crock of crap. I personally don't enjoy being a pawn in fertility clinics' schemes to look good on paper. The same meta-analysis goes on to state that the results show "Lower overall live birth rate (27% vs. 42%; AOR=0.50; 95% CI=0.39-0.63) and greatly reduced multiple birth rate (2% vs. 29%; AOR=0.04; 95% CI=0.01-0.12) following fresh IVF cycle".

It is better to conquer yourself
Than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
Not by angels or by demons,
Heaven or hell.

Buddha

I get so angry. I get so mad and I rail at God and blame Him for this and ask him, "why are you doing this to me? Is it something I've done? Are you punishing me? Do you care? Is there really a plan to this?"

I find it so easy to doubt everything. This feels so futile sometimes and I really feel like I can hope or wish or believe with a cheesy smile and STILL it'll all end up FUBAR. That's kind of how it's gone so far for me. I am SO tired of thinking of times by which I will be pregnant and then NOT BE PREGNANT. I am kind of just swimming in the agony right now, savoring the struggle. I know I "should" be hopeful and "should" believe and should just "trust in God's time" but I will do that in my own good time. For now I am angry. I am angry that I'm just a statistic, that my wishes paled in comparison to SG's desire for "low multiples statistics". I am angry that it works for other people right away and not me. I am angry that people already blessed with a child think they can "vent" at the same level of those of us who are childless. I am just plain angry. Because I am tired. I am tired of hoping, and trusting and believing. I am tired of smiling my cheesy smile to people and saying, "when it's time it's time"

Because it's freaking time already. I am standing at the counter ringing that bell waiting for someone to listen and answer me.

Sometimes hope really sucks.

Words I wish I could believe

This song reminds me of riding in the backseat of our station wagon, surrounded by my family. I love the song, and the lyrics are just so beautiful. Ask me in a few years and hopefully I'll have a different answer, but for right now, I call total "BS" on the lyrics!!!!

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you


If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do


Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing


Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

God Isn't Fair

God isn't fair. There is no way I can believe that is, in the human definition "fair". What is "fair"? I guess you could say that I as a teacher am not "fair". Treating others fairly isn't the same as treating them equally. And I guess that you could say that the cumulative qualities of all that I have been given are equal to if not greater than the blessings of others.

But when I look at people who are just married and pregnant, or people who try one fertility treatment and successful, or people who just had a one night stand and end up knocked up, I can't believe that God is actually "fair". Where is the trade off to my waiting? Where is the reason to our struggles? How is it fair that I am not getting something I have wanted for so many years?

Footprints in the Sand

Growing up I would see this in gift shops at Ocean City and, to be honest, always used to think of this as kind of cheesy. Until now. I totally get this now. I've had hard times in my life before but never like this.

Yesterday I got a card from Robin with this in it, saying it's just a reminder that God is with me and helping me through. It really made me feel better yesterday. And then I got to thinking last night in my painful agony... and realized that if I were to look back on this week of my life in the sand, I don't think I would just see one set of prints anymore. I think I'd see many footprints... the prints of all the people who are helping Matt and me along.

I am honestly so blessed.

middle of the night & woozy!

So I have the worst cramps! I thought Vicodin was to kill pain... I took a vicodin an hour and a half ago but have a ridiculous amount of wooziness and NO relief :( Sitting up watching sex and the city and wanting to scream every 5 minutes. This sucks.

Things I'll Do Better in Cycle 2:

--Have a better arsenal of things to entertain me in the first four days-- watch the Friends' DVDs, have at LEAST three books set aside to read, have an embroidery thing ready to go (with thread and needle set out). Get a couple movies from the Red Box on the way home for the first day/night

--Set up in the guest room bed, not on the couch (the couch is uncomfortable and angles my back in a funny way) until Matt and I want to watch a movie

--Be sure to have the first two days after the transfer off and then have an easy class activity planned where I can stay seated most of the day (maybe presentations?). Arrange to cover lunch detention room for all of two week wait and not be on my feet

--Still stay warm. I believe it helped the baby to implant last time

--To test early or not to test? First, I am going to request a 10dp beta test so I don't get so anxious about it not working or disappearing before the beta (I KNOW if I'd had a 10 day beta in this cycle it would have been positive)

--Talk to Dr. K about how to protect against early miscarriage, if anything?

--If I test early and get a positive, call the office to go in an get an early beta. Last time I thought that would "jinx" me (maybe I knew?) but I should get it documented to that if I have another chemical pregnancy it can be better documented and treated :)

--be sure to clarify to God in my prayers that I want a baby, not just to get pregnant!!!! :) :) :)

If you still have "what ifs", you still have HOPE!!!

Packing up Cycle #1

So before I move on to my hopes and dreams for #2 I need to let myself grieve the loss from this cycle and remember the good parts about it:I made myself a countdown calendar of Happy Thoughts. They stopped on Monday when I realized :(

Where are you, God?

Last night I kept asking God where He was. Why doesn't God answer my prayers? Why doesn't He listen to me? Where is He? I still can't say that I understand this. Why can't we have children when so many crazy, uncaring, absentee people can? Is there a reason to this? Does God not listen? Does God not have power over this in our lives? Does He hear me but not answer for His own reasons?

One thing I know: this will never make sense in time. This isn't "in God's time". This is horrible and there is no way to make sense of it. I messaged Emmy last night that I was having such a hard time with dealing with what we're going through and my relationship with God. She sent me the link to a rabbi's interview on NPR. His insights really struck me, including the quote below:

"Once it happens, God's role is to give us the strength and vision to come through it with our faith in tact. God is there to send us people to hug us and hold our hands and dry our tears so we don't feel abandoned. Not by God and not by friends. And then, in our response to the tragedy, we have something good that comes out of it."

Questions for cycle 2

-immunology testing? NKa

-if the egg was hatching and didn't stick is that a bad implication?

-what is my actual diagnosis?

-is there anything i could take to better support the pregnancy/prevent a chemical?

... I will add more.

At least...

... I reacted to the stim shots

... I made 11 eggs and 9 good ones

... Matt was able to produce some nice sample!

... 8 eggs fertilized

... 4 awesome embryos made it Day 6

... I have 3 waiting for me for baby #2

... I have insurance to do 2 more cycles

... I have an amazing network of family, friends, colleagues, and Facebook SG friends

... I have hope from my doctor for the next cycle's success

... I got to see two lines and know what it felt like to know the test was accurate

... Matt and I shared that feeling together

... my husband is lying asleep in our air conditioned, safe bedroom

... he loves me unconditionally and I love him back!

There are so many things that could be worse. We could be "out". We could be done. We're not. We have every reason to believe #2 will be successful. We could very easily get pregnant next cycle with twins and then have another set of twins and have four kids! Although we "could" end up not pregnant again, I have no reason to believe that's a possible outcome. I must believe that we will succeed!

I think I need to avoid forums. They're depressing pools of sorrow and flashing "BFNs" that make my heart palpitate.

it'll be okay in the end...

this is so awful. i am so sad.

... if it's not okay it's not the end.

blah blah fuckity fuck fuck. this is what's going through my mind right now i am angry and mad and hate the world right now. so unfair. so not fair

Two Eagles

Tonight Matt and I went out for ice cream to cheer me up. We drove around afterwards, headed out towards Millington (but cutting across at Crumpton). Just past the American Legion Rd and that bridge we saw TWO bald eagles in the sky flying together and swooping towards each other, etc. That was my sign.

It WILL all work out, one way or another.

And then there were none...

I think maybe I just took it for granted. I didn't write a blog entry every day that I'd gotten two lines. I got two lines four days in a row-- Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday... by Sunday I knew many people get their betas that day so I figured I was "good". No one I'd known in my family had had a miscarriage at three weeks (that I know of) so I really started to believe. I believed so much that Monday morning I woke up and didn't test. Where did the baby go? Somewhere in there it was gone.

I knew it by the time I got home. I hadn't felt different, hadn't felt weird, I actually felt kind of "normal" by the time I got home on Monday night. No more bloat, no more swollenness... nothing like that. And I was scared right away. I got a faint line at dinner and told myself it was because it wasn't first morning urine. Then I tested this morning and it was just as faint. Super faint. I stupidly tested this afternoon and it was negative.

Somewhere in there was a little bean and there were real hormones in me and I was really pregnant. And now it's gone and I don't know if I'll ever get that feeling back. Where did it go?

Hush then 

why do you cry? 

It's you and me

the same as before. 

- D.H. Lawrence 

Sunday Someday

Our hopes, desires and ambitions are powerful forces existing within us for the shaping of the future. They are the generating forces that create the future. To lose hope or give up one's goals because of the setbacks of the moment is to diminish one's own life potential. Hopes, dreams, faith and a sense of mission enable us to open up our lives. - Daisaku Ikeda

Still had two lines today :) :) I don't know if I can believe it yet. Wednesday can not get here soon enough-- I just want it to be "official". I want someone else to tell me it's real before I get my hopes up. I want this baby to stay put, to snuggle in for a nine month snooze and growth spurt. I know there are so many things that could go wrong but what an amazing thing could go RIGHT. I could have my baby in my arms by April. I am already a mother. I have a baby inside of me right now.... wow.

The Dream

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." -Gilda Radner

Last night I had a dream that was just so wonderful, just so real, that I hope it is part of my intuition and signs of things to come, and not part of "just a dream". In the dream I had my baby. I have had other dreams of my children before, just a few (one, the kids were posing in a picture with Jennifer, Noah and Caleb-- a girl & a boy). But in this dream, I had my baby and I really got to see him and hold him. We'd named him Liam, and nearly everyone in the family was there. I was holding him, bouncing him, feeding him, loving him! At one point I'd gone upstairs (it was in a house very similar to my mom's old house just in the stairwell). As I was coming down the stairs holding the baby, I heard my grandmother's (Wahl's) voice. I started crying. I heard her tell everyone she just came to see the baby and see how he was doing. But everyone else just thought nothing of it, like she was still alive to them, but I started crying though because I miss her so much & knew how special it would be to actually see her. This was the first dream I've really even had about her! She was sitting down and wanted to hold the baby so I put him in her arms and she was saying nice things about him, I forget what, then I took a picture of her holding Liam with other people (Emily, Mom, Robin, Steve & Zachary) around. When she handed him back to him she told me "you take care of him, you hear?" I cried then too. I miss her voice and everything about her so much. Then I just was freaking out about how to take care of the baby. I didn't know what to do and I didn't have any baby stuff! It was so funny... but I just loved that feeling and I loved that baby so much in that dream. I hope it comes true. I hope it was my message from my grandmother that everything is working out the way it should...

Things I have googled

We are rich or poor not because of what we have or do not have, but because of what we are. - Rod Mckuen

I don't want to write a post where I list all of my symptoms because I have read blogs of other women who've gone through this-- they've had all the textbook symptoms of pregnancy and list them and then their test comes back negative. In case this cycle doesn't go in the way I truly believe it will (POSITIVE!), I am not going to list my symptoms. That way if I find out the test is negative I won't also have to doubt the crazy symptoms I made up in my head.

Instead, for posterity, I will list the most recent things I googled this week:

average beta numbers

7dp6dt

swimming early pregnancy

bbt chemical pregnancy

chemical pregnancy

embryo fallout?

ectopic pregnancy ivf

blighted ovum

ivf almonds

ivf tips

elizabeth i of england

elevated temperatures ivf

poas how early

poas

early pregnancy symptoms

ivf implantation tips

post transfer

dos and don'ts after ivf transfer

7dp6d POAS and the results are...

All night long I dreamt about being pregnant, or having to go to the "loo". (In fact, since Tuesday night I have had dreams about having to "pee".... how weird is that?!) I also kept dreaming about taking a pg test!!!

So as soon as the alarm went off I took my temp: 98.2. (Yesterday was 98 and Tues was 97.85). Then I took a test. I was so nervous I sent Matt in to look.

TWO LINES!!!

Two lines?

This morning, while Matt was in our bathroom, I snuck intothe hall bathroom to take a test. I dreamt about it all night long-- every night I've been dreaming about our baby or that I was pregnant, or that I took a test-- but I didn't want to "jump the gun". It also might be too early to test; it could turn out negative but I could still be pregnant, and I didn't want to get Matt depressed or disenchanted too early! So I left it in there, closed the door, and twiddled my thumbs while Matt got dressed. Then when we went out to make coffee I stepped in to check, prepared for the worst.

And then I said, "Oh my God". I told Matt to "get in here" and said "I did it, I didn't tell you but I did it". There were two lines. A very very faint 2nd line, but it was there. PREGNANT.

I know it's still early. There's a chance it's the trigger working its way out of my system. As I continue to test the line will either disappear or get stronger.

But here is what counts: for the first time in my life I have had a positive pregnancy test. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I have that moment-- the moment with my husband where our prayer and our hope was actually tangible.

To be or not to be (superstitious/paranoid)

There is so much out there about random things to do to make an IVF work!!! Here are the things I AM doing:

1. Keeping warm: keeping socks on my feet until I'm past the implantation window and keeping my stomach covered (keeps blood flowing and prevents blood from going from the tummy to other places to warm up those cold areas)

2. Avoiding ice cream and ice cold beverages (same premise)

3. Meditating (I love chakra meditation and some others I found on youtube... I will need to link them to this post)

4. Making a countdown of positive thoughts

5. I will start using preg. tests after 6dpt, to test out the HcG and then hopefully get a positive. That way if it's negative it won't be such a crushing blow on the day of the beta but will be more gradual

6. Watch positive, comical shows-- preferably comedies! A study showed that laughter may help women get pregnant, and honestly, this isn't a hard thing to keep up with! I DVR'ed a bunch of "How I Met Your Mother" episodes and watch Friends whenever it's on!

Interestingly I feel so oddly at peace right now. I have minor cramping and twinges but I feel that this is all in God's hands. I believe it will work but if it doesn't for some reason I am fully at peace with it. I am trusting God right now more than I think I ever have in my life.

Things to do in my two week wait!

Sat 7/16 -

Sun 7/17 -

Mon 7/18 - Conference

Tue 7/19 - Conference & Matty's birthday

Wed 7/20 - Meeting in the AM & Lunch with Trish

Thu 7/21- Dinner at Plaza Tapatia's with Matty!

Fri 7/22 - Go to Dover & get beads for bead bracelet

Sat 7/23 - Explore Kent Island with Matty!

Sun 7/24- Swim & Work on bead bracelet!

Mon 7/25 - Curriculum Writing

Tues 7/26 - Curriculum Writing

Wed 7/27 - ?

Thu 7/28 - ?

Embryo Transfer

So I say to you, keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you. Luke 11:9

This morning we went into Shady Grove for our transfer at 10:00. The transfer itself was 10:30 but we had a half hour "prep" time. While we were in the waiting room, my phone rang and it was Dr. Kipersztok. He told me that we had one embryo that was "just beautiful"-- hatching and everything. He said that because it was such a good strong embryo he wanted to strongly caution us to put back one. We discussed the statistics of putting in two and putting in two only raises your chance of multiples, doesn't raise your chance of

pregnancy. I totally agreed with him. Matt and I discussed it afterwards and agreed. The thing that concerns me with blasts is that even if you put in two, you can end up with THREE! So, no. I'll take one thank you!

So our nurse Lynn called us back, had us take off our shoes and put on the booties, then go into the transfer room. the transfer room was different-- on the embryology side of the floor and had nice ambient lighting. Along the wall was a small flat screen TV and next to the table I laid on was an ultrasound machine. Dr. Levens, the same doc who did my hysteroscopy and our 2nd (failed) IUI did the transfer. I like having the same doctor for things!!! We agreed on only one, then had to sign some consents, then Kim, the embryologist, came in to verify my ID and verify verbally only one. Then she showed on the TV the pic of our FANTASTIC little hatching embryo.

Dr Levens got me all "ready" down there and Angie, my transfer nurse, did the ultrasound by pressing down HARD on my stomach. It didn't hurt, but was certainly a lot of pressure. All the years of teaching and having to wait to go to the restroom paid off (because I had to have a full bladder for the transfer). Then Kim came in with a tiny catheter that held our embryo. Something happened in me when she came in and I knew that was our embryo-- the little thing that was part of Matt and part of me. It was something like love and it must be, on a small level, that "feeling" parents get when they see their baby for the first time. I just loved it already. I got to watch the catheter on the U/S machine and see when the embryo was put right back where it belonged in my tummy. While Dr. Levens was putting it in, Angie commented to Kim, "that really is a nice looking embryo, Kim!". It's so obvious that they take a lot of pride in what they do.

Then they took the catheter to the lab to make sure

they got it "out" and then I had to lay there for 5 minutes. Then Kim came back in with our signed consents and a picture of our embryo in a little card. She was so sweet-- she said that she and the other embryologists were "fawning" over the embryo back in the lab and that it was a great little embie. She also said that she hoped our baby would get my warm smile because she said she'd never seen such a nice smile from a patient before! How kind! She wished us the best of luck and pointed out their contact info. on the back of the card saying they love to get pictures of success stories! After that a nurse came with my discharge instructions and we were allowed to go. I was afraid to use the restroom-- I didn't want the little embie to fall out :) :)

Now I am resting comfortably. I don't want to move too much one way or the next because I don't want to hurt my little embryo...

Snuggle in, little bean, and be our baby. We will love you so, so much.

Transfer pushed to a Day 6

Sarah called this morning and said they are actually pushing my transfer back to tomorrow, a day 6 transfer. I asked if this was normal and she said they do this when the embryos need a little more time to turn into blastocysts.

Dr. K called later and said the same thing. We still have all 8 embryos, 5 are A+ and 3 are Bs and we need to figure out which one(s) are the leaders. Depending on how they make it through the night we might put two back tomorrow.

3rd Fert. Report

Amazing news!!!

Sarah called this morning and today I have EIGHT embryos! I have read that sometimes it's possible for embryos to continue growing so I am so pleased! Eight continues to be a key element of this cycle...

So they are pushing my transfer back to Thursday. I asked her if this was a good sign, and she said it just means that I have enough that if some don't make it, I will still have some to transfer. Then Dr. K walked in, and jumped on the phone. He told me that they are all "grade A" embryos! 5 are A+ and 3 are A-!!! He said that based on how "fantastic" my embryos are he only wants to implant one on Thursday, because they are so strong that implanting two helps no chances other than the chances of twins. That makes perfect sense to me when I think and read about it!!!

No one can better bask in summer's balm than those who have endured winter's bite. Similarly, it is those who have suffered through life's darkest hours who are able to truly savor the bright dawn of happiness. The person who has transformed the worst of fate into the best of fortune is life's champion. - Daisaku Ikeda

2nd Fert. Report

My nurse, Sarah, called today to tell me that I have 7 embryos doing really well today. They scheduled me for a transfer tomorrow ("day 3") but they may push it back to Thursday. It just depends on the quality of the embryos tomorrow. Then Dr. K walked in and offered to talk to me, and told me that everything looks good, I shouldn't be worried. Then we talked about how many embryos to transfer. I asked him if having had a septum removed would make it harder for me to carry twins and he said that was certainly possible, that carrying twins by nature is high risk.

So if we transfer on Thursday we will probably only do one embryo. If we transfer tomorrow I will push to do two so the stronger of the two has a chance at life, and if they both are fighters and stick around, well so be it!!!

-Sarah

First fertilization report

This morning at about 11:30 my phone rang, and it was Shady Grove. I was really concerned at first because I didn't expect a call 'til after 3-- would an early call mean something went wrong?!

Carrie from the embryology lab was on the line, and she told me that out of our 11 eggs, 9 were mature and 8 fertilized. EIGHT! My lucky number. I was thrilled. Matt and I were thrilled!

For the first time in our lives, there is something in this world that is a little part of him and a little part of me. Maybe this won't all work out in the end, who knows, but for right now we are parents. We have 8 little embies floating in a petri dish in Rockville, and they are 100% ours. I am really, really at peace with this whole process right now. I am happy!

We will get a phone call tomorrow from Dr. K or our nurse to tell us the next step. Depending on how well our embryos thrive over the next 24 hours, we will know if we'll do a Day 3 or Day 5 transfer.

Dear God, please bless our little embryos and watch over them. Stand by the embryologists and keep them strong, let them know how much their job matters, and help them to keep our embies growing. Help Matt and I to be strong enough to handle everything that will follow in this process. Thank you for the many blessings you have already bestowed upon us!!! Amen.

Egg Retrieval!!!

Wow, what a day.

I woke up at 6:30 and showered right away, because we weren't allowed to wear lotions, make up, body spray or deodorant into the OR (particles the air can affect the little eggs/sperms, apparently).I tried to keep myself distracted because I was already hungry. I hate having to fast for surgeries-- that's a really difficult part for me! And yes, I did eat a granola bar at 4:00 (7.5 hours before my surgery), just in case you were wondering. I really wasn't nervous before we left-- more peaceful and hopeful. I was nervous about the outcome of the retrieval. This morning I woke up at 4:00 am (granola bar time!) with serious cramping pain. I was so afraid I was ovulating prematurely.

Matt and I left the house at 7:30, giving us an extra 30-45 minutes for traffic. We had to be there at 10:00, to prep for the 11:30 retrieval. Our drive was fine until crisis struck in the form of the Bay Bridge: just as we pulled up we saw a flashing sign saying the 2 left lanes were closed. No worries, we got past Rt. 8 without hitting a backup so I figured on a slow go. And then we stopped. No one was moving.

I called 877BAYSPAN, and the nice computer lady told me all lanes were temporarily closed due to "numerous accidents". So I kinda lost it. I was crying and sobbing and just praying to God, Jesus, St. Anthony that the bridge would open-- that the emergency responders would be blessed with clear thinking and the tow trucks would get there expediently. 25 minutes later, we considered driving up to Elkton and around. That would have taken 4 hours. Not a good idea. But it was bad: people were out of their cars, dads were playing football with their kids-- people were settling in for a long back up. I saw a helicopter flying over and I'd just had it. I called my mom for more information and some motherly support. She didn't know what to tell me, but told me that she believed it would work out. As soon as she got off the phone, we noticed people running back to their cars. And then we saw two green arrows- thank you Jesus!

We got to Rockville with a few minutes to spare. They took me right back, and got me set up in my room with my gown, hair net, and booties for my feet. The nurse covered me up with a blanket so I could relax. Matt and I read an old "OK!" magazine while we waited. Then the anesthesiologist came back, got my IV set up with an electrolyte drip and had me sign the consents. Then my nurse came in with the info on the retrieval, my consents for the retrieval, and my discharge instru

ctions. The next person to come in was from the Embryology Lab--- it was Matt's time to shine! She found me a new magazine to read while Matt was gone. But then he came back :)

So Matt and I kissed and talked and got ourselves so excited for this next step in our process. And then we heard a voice from outside the curtain-- Dr. Kipersztok!!! When I was checked in I was told that Dr. Levens would do the retrieval. He did my hysteroscopy so I wasn't concerned. With Shady Grove being such a big practice, most of the operative procedures are done at their Rockville office, so I usually expect to have a different doctor doing the procedures. When Dr. K walked into my little corner cubicle spot I was SO HAPPY! To me, it felt like a sign. He reassured me about my ovary pains and said he was happy to be a part of the retrieval. I was too. He's an awesome doctor, so super kind and reassuring.

Before I went back to the OR they made me use the restroom. I got to walk with an IV cart for the first time! And then the anesthesiologist came to take me back to the OR. I walked in, sat on the table while he talked to me & put the woozy drug in my IV line (not sure what it is but boy did it feel super!). Then Dr. K came in and I thanked the OR team for being there and taking care of me. The most interesting part of this whole thing is that right before you pass out you have to put your legs into stirrups that are really high up! So unglamourous. Then the anesthesiologist put on my pulse and blood pressure sensors, put the oxygen mask on me and... then I was in recovery! I am always amazed at how quickly it goes with anesthesia. One minute you're there, listening to the music and staring at the ceiling happily and then you're like groggily opening your eyes and wondering if it's really over.

When I woke up I felt a little crampy so Beth, my recovery nurse, gave me something in my IV line and then had me take a Vicodin. I was so happy to see Matt and then he told me: we got 10 eggs! 10 eggs "and counting", according to Dr. K, who went to see Matt in the waiting room while I was still out :) I was so happy I cried from the news. I was quite nervous about having any eggs retrieved. I only had 8 counted follicles, and I know that not all follicles guarantee eggs, so I was antsy. Finding out we got 10 was WONDERFUL! Until the nurse came back and said they got 11. That's super. Not a huge number, but good enough for me. Good enough for our baby.

I was under twilight sedation so I woke up much quicker than with normal anesthesia. The nurse got me up and walking, and then I was clear to go. The drive home was fine; I was tired but didn't have major pain. I at spaghettio's for my late lunch! Then I posted an update for my friends on the Shady Grove FB page, emailed a few of the fellow patients I've grown close to online, and went to sleep.

When the first vicodin wore off I was crying from pain-- the same ovary that hurt this morning hurt again. It hurt just to walk to the bathroom. I had to wait a bit to take the next Vicodin and the pain was just excruciating... but then the Vicodin kicked in, blessedly. I was able to sleep for a few hours, then Matt and I watched "Due Date". Funny movie. Zach Galifianakis is hysterical!

Waiting to hear the fertilization report tomorrow...