And then there were none...

I think maybe I just took it for granted. I didn't write a blog entry every day that I'd gotten two lines. I got two lines four days in a row-- Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday... by Sunday I knew many people get their betas that day so I figured I was "good". No one I'd known in my family had had a miscarriage at three weeks (that I know of) so I really started to believe. I believed so much that Monday morning I woke up and didn't test. Where did the baby go? Somewhere in there it was gone.

I knew it by the time I got home. I hadn't felt different, hadn't felt weird, I actually felt kind of "normal" by the time I got home on Monday night. No more bloat, no more swollenness... nothing like that. And I was scared right away. I got a faint line at dinner and told myself it was because it wasn't first morning urine. Then I tested this morning and it was just as faint. Super faint. I stupidly tested this afternoon and it was negative.

Somewhere in there was a little bean and there were real hormones in me and I was really pregnant. And now it's gone and I don't know if I'll ever get that feeling back. Where did it go?

Hush then 

why do you cry? 

It's you and me

the same as before. 

- D.H. Lawrence